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|  A Very Important Announcement [OTHER] | |
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PartySan
  Artist
Topics: 54
Replies: 6015
Registered: 20.Jun.04 |
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*chaos begins to die down, the situation becomes stabilized after a disruptive loss of power across the world. Suddenly, a man appears on all the computer monitors in the world. He is flanked by several armed guards and appears quite ominous indeed.*
Good evening, everybody.
You may have noticed the recent chaos, and... well, may have wondered at one point or another just what the bloody hell is going on.
Well, I have hereby launched a coup d'état against the Internet.
*demeanor suddenly changes to dramatic, Shatneresque overacting*
I do not NEED to- REMIND you the failings that the supposed "democracy" of the Internet has brought upon us! Spam! Adware! 4chan! YouTube!
They have promised us a lot, and not given ANYTHING to make up for it. Worse, they ABUSED our TRUST and engaged in... CORRUPT behaviour!
*dramatic silence as man stares intently into the camera*
Which is why I, Christian Bale Stephens Katamari PartySan III, have taken matters into my own hands and overthrown the Internet. It must be held accountable. It is all for the GOOD of us all, I assure you.
The following decrees will immediately take effect during this transitionary period in order to redress the situation:
* I hereby have copyright over the word "the", and am owned royalties for its use. A team of math... dudes- er, are... locked in my basement attempting to calculate the exact sum. Factoring in interest and... retroactive payments...
* From now on, everybody who decides to go on the internet must pass a rigorous examination, consisting of a written grammar test, a soon-to-be-devised internet argument exam, and a written essay on the subject of Finnegans Wake.
* Loading webpages is a pain in the arse akin to taking an elevator and being bombarded by muzak. To rectify this, from now on, everybody is officially required to listen to Pantera at an insane volume during long load times. This also applies to videogames.
* China, Iceland and Colombia's rights to existence have been revoked. We will begin bombing in 5 minutes.
* The Black Album is hereby officially Metallica's Best. Album. Evarrr. Dissent on this topic will not be tolerated.
* CounterStrike, Team Fortress 2 and Quake are now Olympic sports.
* Pop music is now illegal, and any distribution of it shall be punished by death.
* Video game movies are illegal. Except for a possible Duke Nukem movie, as long as we can find a team that will make it totally awesome.
You shall be informed of any further laws or decrees as they are... uh... legislated.
Thank you, and have a nice day.
*monitors fade out*
The modern world is only endurable in small doses.
PartySan in MySpace (2472 hits) |
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g
 Member
Topics: 10
Replies: 2037
Registered: 03.Jan.03 |
| What about doskpop? Shouldn't we wait just a little for Max Payne to come out before banning vgmovies (by we I mean you)? |
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PartySan
Artist
Topics: 54
Replies: 6015
Registered: 20.Jun.04 |
älskling wrote on 20 Aug. (9:45) :
What about doskpop? Shouldn't we wait just a little for Max Payne to come out before banning vgmovies (by we I mean you)? |
Thank you for your letter, Concerned. Doskpop is technically not pop, therefore it's excluded. Same with Britpop.
In truth, I haven't played Max Payne. Therefore, I don't know if it'll be good.
Actually, whatever. Videogame movies are illegal except Duke Nukem and Max Payne. At least it should be interesting.
The modern world is only endurable in small doses.
PartySan in MySpace (2472 hits) |
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kilon
Artist
Topics: 36
Replies: 614
Registered: 09.Jul.05 |
PartySan wrote on 20 Aug. (13:44) :
älskling wrote on 20 Aug. (9:45) :
What about doskpop? Shouldn't we wait just a little for Max Payne to come out before banning vgmovies (by we I mean you)? |
Thank you for your letter, Concerned. Doskpop is technically not pop, therefore it's excluded. Same with Britpop.
In truth, I haven't played Max Payne. Therefore, I don't know if it'll be good.
Actually, whatever. Videogame movies are illegal except Duke Nukem and Max Payne. At least it should be interesting.
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And "Metal Gear Solid" should be excluded as well
KILON (1.000.000 hits , 1 broken bone) |
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John Marwin
Artist
Topics: 58
Replies: 1842
Registered: 30.Jun.03 |
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Partysan, all kidding aside..
IF you haven't played Max Payne, you really have to! It's one of the best
games I've played in quite a while, and I thoroughly enjoyed the storyline too especially seeing as it's in Noir style 
Also, in response to your post:
I'm John Marwin, the leader of the speedcore resistance, we will fart on you and your pathetic attempts at taking over the intarwebz, our violent brand of pänzertechnö will pwn your troops before they even get beyond their saving points!
*raises fist in the air*
SPEEDCORE REBELS UNITE!
Also, we will bomb a random server until you give up your foolish notion that Metallica's travesty called the Black Album is considered the best, everybody with a brain knows that Kill 'Em All is where Metallica was the best!
Edit: Also, you know that you cannot win as I'm the leader of the rebels and my name is John, so I'm pretty much invulnerable to anything because of clause 24b of the hollywood movie franchise: "No actor named John shalt ever lose a fight.. like ever"
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PartySan
Artist
Topics: 54
Replies: 6015
Registered: 20.Jun.04 |
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OOC: Thanks for the recommendation, John.  I'll get right to searching. Hope the noir thing is executed properly. Oh, and the Metallica thing is just in there for fun. Metallica fans can be so neurotic. (But I am convinced the Black Album is best )
IC:
Intercitizens, it has recently come to my attention that a group called the *Dr. Evil fingerquotes* "speed-core resistance" have hereby raised their stindard and declared war on our government. They have threatened to bomb random servers until I officially accept that the Black Album is not the best.
They are a particularly nasty* bunch of lads led by a certain "John", who claims that because of "clause 24b of the Hollywood movie franchise" he is, technically invincible. Well, Mr. "John", I raise you rule 20, and hereby declare your argument pwnd. Anyone who is caught associating with the "rebels" shall be severely punished through banhammering. If caught again IRL, they shall be forced to listen to St. Anger. On REPEAT. For DAYS!
Also, you used the word "the" 8 times. Pay up, bitches. Before I sue yo' asses. Hang on a sec, I'm gonna write this down on my handy list of insults.
And on an unrelated note, new decrees have been... uh... decreed...
* MTV and VH1 are hereby placed under my personal control. They are not allowed to run anything that's not music videos, or Pop-Up Video. Censoring videos is banned forevah.
* The new national anthem of the world shall be "The National Anthem" by Radiohead. Jimi Hendrix is retroactively declared the composer of "The Star-Spangled Banner", and its second verse shall now be *poor attempt at rapping* "Johnny's in the basement/Mixing up the medicine/I'm on the pavement/Thinking about the government/The man in the trench coat/Badge out, laid off/Says he's got a bad cough/Wants to get it paid off". Stop looking at me like that, we couldn't afford "All Along the Watchtower".
* Reality television is banned forever. All the people involved with it, except Ozzy Osbourne and a few other otherwise kickass folks, shall be promptly executed. Live. On TV.
* Internet Tough Guy-ery is punishable by forced listening to KoRn.
* One copy of Max Payne shall be delivered to my office immediately. Preferably by a hot chick.
* Yahtzee's opinion on Max Payne shall be promptly inquired for.
Thank you for your attention. Don't forget the execution after the commercial break! *forced smile  *
*turns to advisors*
Goddammit guys, we have to flush those fuckers out. Quick. Before the trolls join forces with Anon. Or before they realize I'm bluffing... a bit... well, a bit more... okay, a lot... okay, OKAY, I'm totally bluffing... Well, almost... not quite... all RIGHT.
I'll be in my office playing Half-Life 2 if anyone needs me.
__________________
*spoken with the accent the presenter of Knightmare had.
The modern world is only endurable in small doses.
PartySan in MySpace (2472 hits) |
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xTr1m
 Administrator
Topics: 106
Replies: 4441
Registered: 11.Oct.03 |
In the name of the BluFlame firewall, YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
btw, I am your father...
PS: Do I get 2 cents for having used 2x "t"."h"."e"? |
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Cooth
Member
Topics: 59
Replies: 3588
Registered: 02.Jan.03 |
DON'T use the "t" word!
Oops. |
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PartySan
Artist
Topics: 54
Replies: 6015
Registered: 20.Jun.04 |
*in the eeeeeeeevil lair*
if this is the best you can do, John, I'm really not worried.
Wait... I still haven't got Max Payne. Somebody's gonna get executed now.
The modern world is only endurable in small doses.
PartySan in MySpace (2472 hits) |
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John Marwin
Artist
Topics: 58
Replies: 1842
Registered: 30.Jun.03 |
*suddenly raids Zero Punctuations servers and blows up the Max Payne review which was in such incredibly high quality that the world never knew how cool it was*
*stands on top of the smoking server, brandishing a rifle, smoking a lollypop*
Eeeeeaah.. what's up doc?
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